Tips to handle divorce like a grown-up

On behalf of Lake Toback Attorneys

Divorce can be a trying time as couples see their life together drift away. However, conscientious Illinois parents can mitigate the negative effects of divorce by proactively planning for it and taking steps to decrease animosity during the divorce process.

One important step to take is to realize that there is not a “bad” spouse in the mix. By refusing to point fingers, each spouse can take responsibility for his or her own mistakes in the marriage. Another important step to take is to avoid badmouthing the other parent. This can easily confuse children and hurt their relationship with both parents. If contention arises, spouses should talk to each other and not use their children as messengers or “bargaining chips.” When possible, parents should try to support the rules and the other parent to create a stable environment for the children. Even if children are not involved, spouses should avoid talking about their exes negatively to others. This type of problem can be addressed with a therapist who is prepared to help individuals heal after a divorce.

Spouses who are going through divorce may need to reestablish boundaries and communicate effectively. They may have to maintain a civil relationship because they have children together or they are professionally connected. Asking for simple requests that make them feel better, like asking the other spouse to call before arriving, may make a big difference. If a spouse does not communicate well or says something inappropriate, he or she should apologize for the behavior.

Family law attorneys can assist people who are struggling with the emotional turmoil of divorce. They may be able to help a couple reach an amicable decision regarding how to divide marital property or how to share custody. Mediation services may also be available to help with the process.

Source: Good Men Project, “10 Tips: Divorce for grownups“, Kate Bartolotta, July 23, 2013

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Tips to handle divorce like a grown-up